As much as I try, unconsciously of course, to find happiness,in blending with the world, in doing things the 'usual' way, here I am, back to you again.After about 6 months, 6 change-laden months. But there is only so much time can change.
I used to be surprised that I choose a blog when I feel the need to crystallize something in my head.But I have slowly come to realize this is how I compensate for a few things beyond my control.These are conversations I'd have had with them - if X were alive, if Y and I were a little closer than we are, if Z weren't as erratic as myself, if I really could trust Q, if I could still be the same with him.
These are not complaints, not even regrets really, just acceptance of facts as they are.It isn't so bad now to look inward for solace, is it. That's the only thing that seems to work for me.