My mum tells me how as a kid, I'd get on everyone's nerves asking the same question over and over again... "What should I do?"..And this was not a huge, existential question of any sort... I always meant to get suggestions about what i should do right then... one restless kid I was... any activity suggested to me would hold my interest for only so long and I'd come back with the unanswerable...What should I do?
And I still don't stop asking myself that... every now and then. Except that now I know how much there is to do in a lifetime and how little time. Things have changed to the point that I dread making to-do lists... simply because they are always too long for me... and importantly also because they force me to set my priorities in my head. What's a priority anyway... what you need over what you want... ? What if you begin to absolutely need everything you want... you begin to have to-do lists as long as mine...
I often hear people complaining.."Well...I'm so bored...there's nothing to do "... How on earth does that happen... I haven't had nothing to do in a long long time , if ever. In fact , I have so much to do I always end up thinking I'm not making good enough use of my time. And you'd think for someone like me who gets bored rather easily (a friend of mine calls it my 'commitment issue'), this problem gets progressively simpler... nope... I seem to have atleast a semi-infinite lists of things I have to (need to ...?) do. And I'm glad to be that way. Boredom and void scare me.
I have never contemplated suicide... If I ever do, let it be known that it was most likely because I was fatally bored...'coz I had nothing to do...
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